Spiritual Guidance Online

In the case of narcissistic abuse I often get asked the question, “how do I get over this obsession with the other woman?” So I wanted to take a moment and address my thoughts on this topic.

How do you deal with that feeling that the “other woman” is better than you?

Well, to begin with you have to understand your own projection. You are not looking at yourself from your own eyes, you are looking at yourself through his. You have developed this tendency to see yourself the way you believe that he sees you. You have adopted his
opinion of you and made it your own. When you look at yourself through his eyes, it doesn’t matter what traits, qualities or accomplishments the “other woman” has, you will fall short. This is the plan. You are meant to fall short. You are meant to feel bad about yourself. You have been devalued.

The cure is to “shift your perspective!” You must make that paradigm leap and see yourself through another set of eyes. It is time to take your own inventory and be sure to note all the good qualities in yourself. Look at your own accomplishments, even if they are not outwardly recognizable.

Image is an illusion. How someone appears on the outside says nothing about who they are on the inside. When you take your inventory you must take note of your true inner qualities. Not just the stuff movies are made of. Not the nice house, fancy car, alphabet soup after your name, the important job. Who cares! That stuff isn’t really important. What is always important is who we are inside and this is what is lacking in the Narcissist. He focuses on the outside image because it is all he has. So he finds someone who he feels, at the time, enhances his outer image but eventually he will focus on what he perceives as her flaws and, in his eyes, she will lose her place on the pedestal.

It is important that YOU learn to see through the image and see instead the reality of the situation. NO one has the power to make you less than. Only you have that power.

We have a tendency to obsess on his life, who he is with, what he is doing, or SHE if you are a man. This obsession takes our power and keeps us focused outside of ourselves. We have to guide our thoughts back to our own lives and what steps we can take today to feel better about ourselves and to feel worthy of all the good that life has to offer.

I feel narcissism is the ultimate challenge of the illusion enforced by our society. Our society focuses on the outward image and this image is re-enforced by the media, television, magazines, movies, etc. Yet in order to have a true spiritual connection to life we must be able to sort through the illusion and find the truth. What is real?
What do you really take with you in life, not only from this life to the next, but this time period to the next. WE are all we have so it is important to learn who the WE is. When WE lose everything material in our lives the only thing left is OURSELVES.

KNOW THYSELF is your challenge now! Will a narcissist ever really KNOW himself? If he did he would no longer be a narcissist would he? Because the disease of narcissism is based on the avoidance of the true self and the cover ups that form the illusion. ANYONE who dances with a narcissist will have to be absorbed into his illusion or they would not survive in that relationship.

I have worked with “survivors” of narcissistic abuse for several years now and let me tell you that every woman and man I have worked with was once “The Other Woman” or “The Other Man.” You were once on that pedestal. You were once praised for all your good qualities. You once felt worthy in the eyes of the Narcissist.

And…everyone I’ve ever worked with has another commonality. You all were forced to wake from the illusion and you all envied, on some level, the person who was STILL SLEEPING. Ignorance is bliss! Right? Wrong! Ignorance is Ignorance. It’s best to be awake and know the truth than to be asleep in the lie.

You are lying to yourself to believe that the new source of supply is better in anyway than you are. You are already further ahead, no matter who that person is, because you are waking up and she/he is still sleeping in the illusion that this guy is who he is pretending to be.

Celebrate yourself and the fact that you are waking to the truth. You have taken the blue pill (did I get that right?) and yes, you are on a roller coaster ride right now, but at least you know what is going on.

Blessings!

Kaleah