Spiritual Guidance Online

When recovering from an abusive relationship, especially one with someone who has a personality disorder like narcissism, the most important, yet the most difficult is to accept total personal responsibility for the relationship.  Only when you can accept this level of responsibility can you move beyond it.

What do I mean?

Well, I don’t mean you need to accept reponsibility for the personality disorder or the narcissist.  You accept responsibility for entering into the relationship in the first place, no matter how charming, sweet or innocent that person might have seemed.  The truth is you did enter into a relationship with this person and because of this fact you are where you are.

I am not saying you did anything wrong.  This isn’t about blame!  It is about finding your power in this situation.  Once you realize that you created it you can uncreate it, or create something different!

The more you focus on the evil deeds of the narcissist the more you will find yourself stuck in a trap that can be very difficult to get out of.  He, or she, is what he is and there is nothing you can do to change it.  There is also nothing you can do to change what has already transpired.  The only thing you can change is what happens tomorrow.  You can refuse to allow that reality in your door ever again by making a choice to be free!

You are responsible for the life you create!  And…for whatever reason this person came into your life.  It wasn’t because you have bad luck, or even necessarily poor choice in mates.  There was simply something in your energy field that drew this experience to you. 

Was it because you needed to learn certain lessons?  Maybe.  Is it because you have grown up in a cycle of abuse?  For some, yes that contributes.  Or perhaps it was simply because you wanted to be in a relationship so bad with someone who had all the qualities you believed he had, in the beginning.  Perhaps you wanted it so bad that you refused to read the signs and see the truth. 

We buy into illusions because it serves us on some level to do so.  We still hold onto our fairy tale fantasies, our knight in white shining armor, our Kings and Queens who rescue us from ourselves. 

Yet rather than being rescued we find that we are exposed.  Nobody will ever come along and save us from ourselves, but if we are looking someone will come around and expose the illusions we hold about life and even go so far as to crumble the very ground we stand upon.  Its kind of like an earthquake.  Things get really shaken up and sometimes some real damage is done.

We all have our faults, or areas of weakness that are vulnerable to the earthquake.  The Narcissistic Personality is sure to expose these vulnerabilities.  Is it the fault of the Narcissist that he has shaken the ground beneath you so hard that you fall flat on your face?

No!  Its not!  He is just being who he is, just as the earthquake is being what it is.  It is your ground that has been shaken and it is up to you to use this experience to find renewed strength.  Will he change?  No!  Not likely!  Will you?  Most definetely!  You have to change!  It is a requirement for your survival, if you do intend to survive this!

Accepting responsibility is to acknowledge that you are the creator of your reality and you create only to the degree you are conscious of what you are creating.  When you are unconscious you are blindly creating out of your fears, desires, wants and needs.  You create something you don’t want because you haven’t put in a conscious request or order with the Great Organizing Designer (GOD).  You create by default. 

So if you truly want to move forward, accept responsibility for what you have created, give up your reasons and excuses, and go about the business of changing your plan to include what you really do want. 

Be careful not to request the Narcissist in a changed form.  You are only asking for trouble.  You can’t expect anyone to change, remember?  If you want something other than narcissism than choose something other than a narcissist!  If you want a great love than treat yourself great, treat others great and expect others to treat you great!  Don’t accept anything less. 

You are responsible for what you create and you are responsible for being conscious and awake enough to know what you are creating.  Accept this responsibilty and go about the business of creating a beautiful life for yourself.

Kaleah

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